I am often in the minority with this approach, but I am a big believer
in spoken words, and with returning the ball to the court where it
came from. Your neighbors lobbed the ball your way, and now you are
holding it. You're holding their frustration, their threats and
judgements. And it seems that even though you know they were unkind
and unfair, you have developed some guilt. You have enough on your
plate without feeling responsible for the neighbors' unhappiness. An
autistic child may be noisy, but that child is not to be compared with
a barking dog or late-night partying habits (issues which ARE ok for
neighbors to make comments about).
You are a good person, honestly bothered that your neighbors are
frustrated. But also hurt at how cruelly they handled that
frustration. The things that were said to you were so VERY out-of-
line.
If I was you, I would organize my thoughts, take a deep breath,
ring the doorbell across the street and 'give them back the ball'.
And I'd say something like:
"I understand your frustration about my son's noisiness. But
out of all the things you said to me, that's the ONLY thing I can
understand. Your threats about CPS were not just out-of-line, not
just cruel... they were also
ridiculous. Re****ting a noise complaint about an autistic child to
Child Protection Services MIGHT get a social worker on my doorstep
with brochures about the services available to autistic children.
And I'll accept the brochures and throw them away, because I have
already spent 5 years doing the best for my autistic son and I've read
just about all the information out there. CPS doesn't take kids away
from their homes for being noisy
I am not going to shut my windows on a hot, muggy day. And I'm
not going to discuss my choice of nannies with you.
It seems that you simply wish that my child did not exist, or
that our family existed in some other house. The way you spoke to me
the other day made it seem like you think I deliberately inflict this
noise on you. My son is autistic, and he is noisy. We live in this
house. These are simple facts, and again... I honestly regret that my
son's voice carries over to your house. I am open to most
communication, but I don't ever want you to come over and threaten me
like that again."
And after I said all that, I'd probably be keyed up for a few
days, but then I would feel better.
By the way, I love 'Pillbug' as a nickname, lol.
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