In article
<5c8afcc5-99ba-4d1a-ae43-9449436edae3@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
mom0f4boys says...
>
>I am often in the minority with this approach, but I am a big believer
>in spoken words, and with returning the ball to the court where it
>came from. Your neighbors lobbed the ball your way, and now you are
>holding it. You're holding their frustration, their threats and
>judgements. And it seems that even though you know they were unkind
>and unfair, you have developed some guilt. You have enough on your
>plate without feeling responsible for the neighbors' unhappiness. An
>autistic child may be noisy, but that child is not to be compared with
>a barking dog or late-night partying habits (issues which ARE ok for
>neighbors to make comments about).
> You are a good person, honestly bothered that your neighbors are
>frustrated. But also hurt at how cruelly they handled that
>frustration. The things that were said to you were so VERY out-of-
>line.
> If I was you, I would organize my thoughts, take a deep breath,
>ring the doorbell across the street and 'give them back the ball'.
>And I'd say something like:
> "I understand your frustration about my son's noisiness. But
>out of all the things you said to me, that's the ONLY thing I can
>understand. Your threats about CPS were not just out-of-line, not
>just cruel... they were also
>ridiculous. Re****ting a noise complaint about an autistic child to
>Child Protection Services MIGHT get a social worker on my doorstep
>with brochures about the services available to autistic children.
>And I'll accept the brochures and throw them away, because I have
>already spent 5 years doing the best for my autistic son and I've read
>just about all the information out there. CPS doesn't take kids away
>from their homes for being noisy
> I am not going to shut my windows on a hot, muggy day. And I'm
>not going to discuss my choice of nannies with you.
> It seems that you simply wish that my child did not exist, or
>that our family existed in some other house. The way you spoke to me
>the other day made it seem like you think I deliberately inflict this
>noise on you. My son is autistic, and he is noisy. We live in this
>house. These are simple facts, and again... I honestly regret that my
>son's voice carries over to your house. I am open to most
>communication, but I don't ever want you to come over and threaten me
>like that again."
> And after I said all that, I'd probably be keyed up for a few
>days, but then I would feel better.
>
> By the way, I love 'Pillbug' as a nickname, lol.
>
Well, you said you were in the minority LOL...
I don't see where this gets anyone anywhere except screaming matches in
the
doorway or driveway (truly do you think Migrane-family will just stand
there and
calmly listen to all of that??), highlights stuff that's not central to
the
issue (CPS, nannies,
gosh-knows-whatever-else-comes-up-in-screaming-matches)
and hardening stances. And bringing up CPS again, even though they were
the
ones that brought it up originally, may well end up taken as a *challenge*
that
will get CPS called where there may have not been a real intent to call
CPS
initially!
It might to fun to *think* about, but it's along the lines of those angry
letters one writes, stuffs in a drawer for a day, reads again, and rips up
and
throws away un-sent.
The issue is a level of noise and the needs for neighbors to get along and
try
to accomodate each other to a point that is reasonable - that doesn't
greatly
burden family life and that is in some way reciprocal. Nobody can help
autism
or (I think..) migranes; no blame to be laid; these are the two or three
things
I can do to help out; you'll need to make some adjustments too.
Actually, I'd tend to just try and implement some measures, and wait for
them to
come to me, and then say the above, but that depends on a lot of
particulars.
Banty
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