Re: Driving in the car with Grandma

In article <v96dnaVDpYcD4xnVnZ2dnUVZ_v_inZ2d@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>, Ericka Kammerer
says...
>
>	Have you never seen that there is a difference between
>capitulating and capitulating but having your nose rubbed in it?

What's to be "capitulted" about?  If a neighbor asked me to refrain from
my
(assredly accidentally) setting up a border garden a little over their
property
line, and I stopped, would that be a 'capitulation' on my part??

>*NOWHERE* in the entire situation had the caregiver gone against
>the parent's wishes, and there is no hint that the caregiver
>would have done so at any time or under any cir***stances.  That
>was never on the table.  The only thing ever at issue was how
>the involved parties *felt* about the issue, and whether sufficient
>clarity could be achieved on legitimate items of concern.  Allowing
>the caregiver to save a little face without giving up any parental
>authority is *precisely* at the heart of handling this sort of
>issue.  It comes up all the time and in many different ways,
>particularly among family members or friends who are interdependent.
>Learning to maintain boundaries without bludgeoning people over
>the heads with it is key to making those sorts of situations work
>in the long term.  There was an op****tunity to do that in the
>conversation over this issue that was missed.

We'll have to disagree to disagree.  Sure, there's no doubt she'd like
your
solution better.

There's a natural consequences cost to one being generally, um,
persistent, with
one's preferences regarding others.  Do you recall my post about the
babysitting
neighbor family with whom I was the *most* flexible?  They were the ones
that
were the most contientious about what my wishes may be.

I still think a more defined emergency plan is highly prefereable on
*general*
grounds.  But if I were the DIL, I'd be much more comfortable with your
idea if
I weren't so pressed on this by Grandma in the first place.

Banty