That's sort of the point....so many things can happen. I don't even
know at what age my grandmother started going downhill, but first it
was her knees going, so she avoided walking-style outings, then she
had some heart issues, then she wound up on dialysis, and from there
random debilitating-to-her-in-her-condition illnesses occasionally
popped up until she finally died as a result of a bout of pneumonia.
I would stop by on my lunch hour, snag her up, watch her struggle to
get into my s****ts car, which would crack us both up, and take her out
to eat. She loved to get out of the house - hated feeling like she was
stuck in it and hated that she had become dependent on my grandfather.
She NEVER complained, always had a smile on her face, etc. She would
have rather died than to complain to you. So my whole thought was
about where any given grandma may be in 5 to 10 years.
Either someone possesses the ability to look at potential situations
objectively, or they do not. You can either be practical and just KNOW
that anything can happen at any given time - the question would be as
to whether or not grandma or DIL could live with the "what if" without
placing blame or carrying guilt - sounds to me like the DIL wouldn't
be able to at this point in time, as unfortunate as that is, but in
her defense she is probably only making what she perceives as a
legitimate decision based on her own experiences. If you live on a
lake, which my parents do, you'll have nightmares for eons about your
child drowning and slipping just out of your reach as you try to save
them to the point where you can't enjoy a boat ride with your 3 kids
-- I think, "How on earth can I save all 3 should something bad happen
out here?" (but we go!)
I still get worried every time my children ride in a car with friends
to a birthday party outing with kids that live on our street or in our
neighborhood and I still get worried about them riding with anyone in
our family - BECAUSE anything can happen at any time, but I do know
that I would never blame the driver barring some serious issues such
as drinking and driving, speeding excessively, driving wrecklessly,
failing to belt the children in, etc. -- all things I know my family
would not do, and I know the neighbors well enough that they would not
either. There is always the possibility that they will be hit by
another driver regardless of their conscientousness and ability -
that's what I'm talking about. Heck, I can't even tell you how many
times I've taken a moment to thank God that I wasn't in a particular
area a few moments earlier as I have driven past mangled minivans
where the passenger compartments (where my children would have been
placed) were smashed in toward the middle of the car. Gives me chills
every time and I KNOW I am a conscientous driver.
And to Grandma, as baby enters into this first year and learns to talk
and become a pro at walking, etc., I hope mom lightens up a little (if
you are in fact a good driver - lol!). Maybe just a bit more time is
all that is needed since some moms can take a bit more of a step back
as their child exhibits more and more independence and can "rat you
out!" (Some can't, however, as they do everything by these "books"
that are out there now, but only on the quest to be the perfect mom)
lol. I commend you on wanting a very close relation****p with our
grandchild and for wanting to revel in the experiences through a
child's eyes only a child can offer you. I just worry that if you push
it, DIL will make life impossible for you for much longer than giving
it a bit more time. New moms get bombarded with unsolicited advice and
can oftentimes be chastised for the decisions they make because they
are different than those offering said advice/criticism - this only
builds resentment and puts them on the defensive, and it takes a lot
longer for them to recognize no harm was meant by an actual well-
wisher and to shake that defensiveness. kwis?
> And recall this grandma is in her fifties.
>
> Banty
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