In article
<8943dfc4-f3f6-414a-97f1-7bd001352863@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
Chris says...
>
>That's sort of the point....so many things can happen. I don't even
>know at what age my grandmother started going downhill, but first it
>was her knees going, so she avoided walking-style outings, then she
>had some heart issues, then she wound up on dialysis, and from there
>random debilitating-to-her-in-her-condition illnesses occasionally
>popped up until she finally died as a result of a bout of pneumonia.
I strikes me as Grandma is a lot healthier than that, but, yes, one never
knows.
And DIL can "fall under a bus", too, y'know.
I agree with what you said below, actually, and you've put yourself in
both
positions.
I think a lot of what happens whenever folks talk about grandparent issues
here
and IRL is that folks tend to personalize 'what if he or she is talking
about
*my* dear elder parents' and everything gets cast in an emotional light.
Especially if they're recently deceased.
Well, as you recognize, moms, especially new ones, have feelings and
emotions
too.
See, from *my* POV, if I were in DIL's position, I'd let Grandma drive.
Really,
I would. If I were in *Grandma's* position, I'd not drive and not bring
it up
again LOL. I just see a family disagreement that got rubbed into a sore
point.
Lordy knows *my* family is dealing with stuff that we'd only get through
if we
see our disagreements as disagreements, and past issues as "sore points"
as in,
you know, things we agreed not to RUB anymore, and focus on our mutual
goals.
Who-was-right-who-was-wrong-who-deserves-who-does-more is getting (so far
and I
have my fingers crossed) thrown into the dust heap.
>
>I would stop by on my lunch hour, snag her up, watch her struggle to
>get into my s****ts car, which would crack us both up, and take her out
>to eat. She loved to get out of the house - hated feeling like she was
>stuck in it and hated that she had become dependent on my grandfather.
>She NEVER complained, always had a smile on her face, etc. She would
>have rather died than to complain to you. So my whole thought was
>about where any given grandma may be in 5 to 10 years.
>
>Either someone possesses the ability to look at potential situations
>objectively, or they do not. You can either be practical and just KNOW
>that anything can happen at any given time - the question would be as
>to whether or not grandma or DIL could live with the "what if" without
>placing blame or carrying guilt - sounds to me like the DIL wouldn't
>be able to at this point in time, as unfortunate as that is, but in
>her defense she is probably only making what she perceives as a
>legitimate decision based on her own experiences. If you live on a
>lake, which my parents do, you'll have nightmares for eons about your
>child drowning and slipping just out of your reach as you try to save
>them to the point where you can't enjoy a boat ride with your 3 kids
>-- I think, "How on earth can I save all 3 should something bad happen
>out here?" (but we go!)
>
>I still get worried every time my children ride in a car with friends
>to a birthday party outing with kids that live on our street or in our
>neighborhood and I still get worried about them riding with anyone in
>our family - BECAUSE anything can happen at any time, but I do know
>that I would never blame the driver barring some serious issues such
>as drinking and driving, speeding excessively, driving wrecklessly,
>failing to belt the children in, etc. -- all things I know my family
>would not do, and I know the neighbors well enough that they would not
>either. There is always the possibility that they will be hit by
>another driver regardless of their conscientousness and ability -
>that's what I'm talking about. Heck, I can't even tell you how many
>times I've taken a moment to thank God that I wasn't in a particular
>area a few moments earlier as I have driven past mangled minivans
>where the passenger compartments (where my children would have been
>placed) were smashed in toward the middle of the car. Gives me chills
>every time and I KNOW I am a conscientous driver.
I get to deal with it all anew as my son is approaching driving age, but
*most
of all* that many of his *friends* drive. So I see a need to trust, to
some
degree, the need for him to be in cars of inexperienced drivers! So far,
it's
only a friend of his where I know the family slightly, but for some time.
I
just have to trust he's not one of those crazy kids and he's been choosing
few,
and good, friends. I'm sure happy to see him come through the door though
after
an outing. And thank goodness for cellphones. It *is* a bit scary.
But what would I do if there were some situation or some friend that I
*didn't*
trust? I'd try to anticipate and head off any problems, but since I'm not
perfect in that, and also because sometimes events take over, I guess
maybe at
some point possibly I'd have to be this evul-meanie who is implicitly
insulting
someone :-/
Banty
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